Alice in Zombieland
by Hi my name is Mia
Summary: Tallahassee makes a discovery that leads to an unexpected journey in Zombieland. Rated T to be safe, I'm pretty unpredictable. Summary is weird.
1. This is a letter

Dear Beloved Readers:

You might be thinking "Is Mia crazy? She's trying another multi-chapter? She never finsishes those!" or you might be thinking "What is this weird girl talking about?"

If you chose the second option, you should know that I have tried a countless amount of times to try to write a multi-chapter. I only posted one on here, Sammy Keyes and the Locked Door. I only got 3 chapters.

But maybe this one will be different. Maybe because ZLand is my favorite movie of all time, and this fic might just be different. Or maybe because I love this story. Or maybe because of you. You, my readers, will have to keep me motivated. Words of encouragement help. Looking at my stats are great, but how do I know if you actually like my story by seeing "(insert number here) views"?

So please review after each chapter, and give me ideas. To be honest, if you give me an idea in a review and I think it could work, I will write it into the story, and give you credit. So yeah.

R&R, give me ideas, be my best friend.

Love,

Mia


	2. This is really chapter 1

Disclaimer: Do you really think that if I owned Zombieland I would be writing a fanfiction? Hell no. I would be working on Zland 2, and trying to convince Jesse Eisenberg to come back to the Zombie realm (he's not doing Zland 2 because he became too popular for a small movie like this after the Social Network. How dare he!).

Tallahassee stared out the windshield of the black SUV and focused on the abandoned highway in front of him. He glanced over at Wichita, who was driving, and flicked the Twinkie wrapper at her.

"Got another?" he grumbled, still a little mad at them for running off to Pacific Playland, which was like the headquarters of Zombieland.

"No, just that one. Sorry," she responded, and patted his arm lightly. "If it makes you feel better, I really wanted to eat that. But I gave it to you."

"That doesn't make me feel better." Tallahassee turned his head and looked into the backseat. Little Rock was staring out the window, her eyes slowly closing. Columbus was curled into a little ball, cuddling his gun like it was a teddy bear.

Tallahassee snorted. "The two babies."

Wichita laughed and pulled into the driveway of Bill Murray's house. "Home sweet temporary home."

"Temporary? Yeah, right." Tal snorted again and gently shook Little Rock awake.

Wichita stared at him a bit before stating, "You of all people should know that permanent is not an option while in Zombieland. Everything is temporary."

Tallahassee sighed and walked over to Columbus's car door. He opened it, making the tired Columbus tumble out onto the concrete.

"Ass." Columbus growled, then picked himself up and slouched into the house.

Wichita helped Little Rock to her feet and they followed Columbus into the house, Tallahassee close behind.

Tallahassee pulled off his cowboy boots and pursed his lips. "S'mores anyone?"

Little Rock smiled and ran to the kitchen to get the ingredients while Columbus headed outside to start a fire. Wichita ducked into the bathroom, leaving Tallahassee to himself. He walked up the stairs and passed by Bill's room. He sighed, removed his hat and bowed his head in respect and sadness for the legend.

"Dumb little fucker." He grumbled, referring to Columbus. He then continued on his way to one of the 9 guest bedrooms.

Once Tallahassee reached his destination, he took off his leather jacket and laid it down on the bed. He leaned his large gun against the wooden dresser and placed his hat on top of the bureau. He was just about to pull of his white cotton tee and change into something more comfortable for marshmallow-roasting when he heard a small tump coming from the bathroom.

Tallahassee snatched up his gun and whirled around, ready to shoot. The doorknob to the bathroom slowly turned, like it would in a movie. A body backed out of the bathroom, backwards. As soon as the person-or zombie- started to turn around…

…Tallahassee pulled the trigger.

A/N I made this only 440 words on purpose. I wanted a short intro because I wanted to get the point quickly, also I don't like writing long things and then finding out my story is no good. So yeah! Review!


	3. This is Salem

"OWWW!" One high-pitched scream filled the room. "You BASTARD. You shot my foot!" A middle-height woman with fiery red hair collapsed to the floor and clutched

her foot as blood gushed out between her fingers. "Oh shit! I thought you were a zombie! Here, let me help you." Tallahassee dropped to the floor and pulled off his white cotton t-shirt, ripping it into shreds and wrapping it around the woman's foot. "We'll wrap up your foot and add pressure to stop the bleeding. Is the bullet in there?" Tallahassee shot into an immediate doctor-mode, even though he didn't know much about injuries. "No, you just grazed it. But it still hurts like hell." The woman looked up at the Floridian for the first time during their whole encounter. Her eyes widened when she realized he was shirtless. Tallahassee grunted and walked towards his black duffel bag and pulled out another shirt. "Sorry." The woman shrugged. "No big deal. I'm Alice, wh-" Before Tallahassee could tell her the usual 'no names' speech, she blurted it out. "Nope. That won't work. If you want to be in our little group, you can be called where you're from, or where you're headed. I will not call you by your real name. I'm Tallahassee." "Well, I guess I'm Salem, Massachusetts. Nice to meet you." She smiled and stuck out her hand, which Tallahassee blatantly ignored. She lowered her hand and her smile dimmed a bit. "So. When do I get to meet this so called 'group' of yours?" "Oh, right. Hold on, I'll carry you there. You should stay off your feet for the next few days. And even after it's scabbed up, you'll need some help." Tallahassee picked Salem up, bridal style. "Well, then. I guess that means I'll be staying with you for a while." "I guess so." Tallahassee looked down at Salem, and their eyes locked together and both refused to look away. That is, until... "Zombies!" Tallahassee grinned, extra wide, and adjusted Salem's position. "Got a weapon?" He asked, tilting his head towards his own gun. "You bet. In the bathroom, next to the tub." Tallahassee laid Salem down on the bed and ran to the bathroom and snatched up the gun, and also grabbed a loofah and the toilet-paper roll holder, which just so happened to be the kind that stood on the floor as apposed to he kind that is attached to the wall. "Let's go. You get to see the master at work." He slung Salem over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and handed her her gun and her loofah. "Watch my back." Tallahassee ran outside with Salem hanging over his torso. "Shit. That's a lot of zombies." Salem whispered, using her stomach muscles to just barely push herself high enough to see over Tallahassee's shoulder. "A lot my ass. I could take all these in one breath" the man shouted over the sound of gunshots, sending his own bullets into the atmosphere (and into zombie's heads). "Yeah, okay. I'd like to see that." Salem shot a three zombies in a row, and hit one over the head with the bottom of her gun. Tallahassee smirked and sucked in a large breath. He shot off into the mass of zombies. He set Salem down on the ground, making sure she wasn't putting weight on her bad foot. Salem shot zombies as they rushed towards her, probably smelling her bullet wound, if that was possible. She looked back at Tallahassee, who just so happened to be bashing a zombie brain in with the toilet paper holder, still holding his breath. Salem turned around and shot two more zombies, and swore loudly when her gun ran out of shells. She flipped her loofah over so she was holding the fluffy side and hitting zombies with the handle, temporarily paralyzing them, but not quite killing. "Let's go!" She heard Tallahassee yell over the zombie screams, obviously giving up the breath-thing. "One more! I'm saving the best for last!" A fresh zombie sprinted over, and when Salem looked closely she saw that it was Brittany Spears. Salem laughed and threw the loofah into the air, catching the handle and bracing herself as stable as she could on one foot. "Hit me baby one time!" And with that, she shoved the soft loofah down Brittany Spears' throat. As soon as Salem let go of the handle to the loofah, she felt a pair of strong arms around her waist and she was once again thrown over Tallahassee's shoulder. He sprinted towards he SUV, where his friends were waiting impatiently. As they were running, a zombie who was lying on the ground popped his head up and went to bite Tallahassee's ankle. Salem burst out laughing as Tal's foot smashed into the zombie's face. When they reached the truck, Salem was thrown into the backseat next to a small girl around 12 years old, followed by Tallahassee. "Thanks." Salem smiled at Tallahassee, whose mouth didn't return the grin, but his eyes did. Salem looked around and realized all eyes were on her. "Wow! What a crazy herd of zombies! Am I right?" Salem stuck out her hand to whoever would take it. "I a-" She was cut off by a high-pitched scream of the undead, as a zombie popped up from the trunk. Salem snatched up her gun and smashed the zombie's head in. "Sorry 'bout that. Hope that you didn't want to use the back for anything, like a place of worship or something. Anyways, hi. I'm Salem."

* * *

><p>I typed this whole chapter on my iPod touch. I'm so mystical. Anyway, it probably looks really bad that I have 3 chapters and only 1,000-something words. So, I'm gonna be cranking out the long chapters, so be prepared.<p>

Please review! I want more than the 1 review I have now (Thanks Alice in Paramore! Great minds think alike when it comes to names/titles.)

Disclaimer: If I owned Zombieland, I would have a sequel movie AND a TV show, not one or the other (they're currently trying to decide)


	4. This is really short

A/N Sorry about the format of the last chapter, I typed it on my iPod and it won't change, no matter how many times I try.

Chapter 3: This is really short.

Tallahassee burst out laughing. "That was the best dang thing I've ever seen!" He leaned over the seat and smirked. "Yep, that's a dead one." He then grabbed the zombie's arm and pulled it over to the backseat.

Little Rock made a face and scooted towards the window. "Man! That smells!" Tallahassee pushed open the door of the Caddy and shoved the dead zombie onto the highway.

"Woowee!" He shouted as the body tumbled down the road.

Wichita rolled her eyes and turned back to Salem. "Wichita. That's my sister Little Rock. This is my- um, this is Columbus. And you know Tal."

Columbus glanced and Wichita for a few seconds before returning his eyes to the road. "So what happened to your foot?" he asked.

Salem smiled and hitched a thumb at Tallahassee. "This smart guy over here shot it 'cause he thought I was a zombie."

Columbus whirled around and glared at Tallahassee. "Oh, so now you can get away with shooting somebody, but when I did it, I was sentenced to being shunned for eternity."

Tallahassee glared back. "Now, I didn't get much of that, but what I did understand was 'Shooting somebody' and 'getting away with it'. And I didn't get away with it. Somebody has to carry this girl around, and it sure ain't gonna be you. And for the record, you didn't just shoot somebody, you killed them. And that somebody just happened to be Bill Murray. So you lose."

Salem leaned forward in her seat and stared at Columbus. "You shot Bill Murray? Man, Tallahassee's got you beat. I would take getting shot in the foot to killing a legend any day." Columbus rolled his eyes and settled back into his seat.

Tallahassee turned and looked at Salem intently. "I like you."

Salem smiled. "I think I like you guys, too."

A/N: It's so short I'm gonna die! I tried writing longer but I really couldn't think of anything to after this that would work with the chapter. Sorry!


End file.
